Will This Guy EVER Learn?

No, I won’t:

James Madison at William & Mary: After another gut-wrenching victory, Dukes head coach Dean Keener repeats his Lombardi-esque firestorm and picks up the Alumni Hall PA mic and implores the fans to keep supporting the team like that; then slams it down. He remembers only upon hearing groans in response that his team is actually on the road. What’s worse, the live mic reverberates in the cavernous and nearly-empty W&M Hall, rendering six Tribe supporters deaf. Four lawsuits are settled on the spot. Final score: JMU 74, W&M 70.

Old Dominion at Towson: “Fellas,” intones ODU head coach Blaine Taylor in his typical aw-shucks storytelling mode at the pregame meal, “our season is much like this rigatoni. We’ve got some meat, some sauce, and pasta is good for you. But if we rely too heavily on the oregano in the sauce, we’re in trouble. Think about that.” Nobody has a clue what Taylor is talking about, but they figure it must be important and play well. Final score: ODU 65, Towson 60.

Drexel at Nor’Easter: The always studious Bill Coen issues a challenge to his team. “I found a Rare Elk Fang over at Lake Fern Rag. Who can tell me why that’s important to tonight’s game?” Cap’n Matt, who hails from Minnesota and is the only Huskies player to have actually seen an elk, figures it out. “Coach, those are anagrams of Frank Elegar. It means nothing.” The pleased coach watches Janning score 23 and lead Nor’Easter to a home court victory. Final score: Nor’Easter 70, Drexel 59.

George Mason at Delaware: Nobody knows what to do when Monte Ross goes to his fourth player off the bench. They didn’t realize Delaware even had nine players on the roster. The Hens go on a 12-3 run while Jim Larranaga studies the official CAA media guide, checking off names and numbers against photos. Though trailing at the half, Mason recovers and rides a barrage of Dre Smith triples. Final score: Mason 67, Delaware 62.

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~ by mglitos on January 9, 2008.

7 Responses to “Will This Guy EVER Learn?”

  1. I think that your analysis is a little off …. It was supposed to say something like

    “Despite having only a 2 point lead at the half, Delaware was able to win by 20, riding a barrage of threes by three time POW, Alphonso Dawson. Final Score: Mason 62, Delaware 67”

    We’ll find out in a few hours!

  2. It may have been something I ate, but I found this to be really funny.

  3. MGL, keep disrespecting the Tribe, and they might just have to show you…by amassing 4 conference wins.

  4. The Tribe have stunned lots of folks with these two wins, none moreso than their own alums.

    And what’s up with Drexel? Extra P, didn’t you tell us that they were going to the Big Dance? Sorry, I’m going to selfishly remind people of our picks until Delaware comes tumbling back to earth.

  5. Damn Mason. Damn, damn, damn Mason. Why do you continue to crush me and your fans? WHY!!???

    Kudos to UD. Way to know HOW TO WIN, unlike my Patriots.

  6. Rich Gannon and Dallas Green are very proud this morning.

  7. Mike, Mike, Mike, these pre game picks aren’t helping you at all. Keep to the analysis and commentary. See you at the game tonight and don’t even think about calling in sick. Mike Ellis has a lot on his plate right now.

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